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May 2015

His shoes or mine?

I have left this article as the last one I produce for this issue. Mainly because it is not an easy thing to step into someone else’s shoes, especially our resident grumpy old bugger.

After reading back over a number of his old articles, standing in front of a mirror and practicing his mode of speech, his intonation, his facial expressions when he writes (or copy to his guffaw when he thinks of a really descriptive way of expressing a thought) and generally trying to emulate his personality. I have come to the conclusion that he is a unique individual, a one-off. Trying to copy him in any way will not only disappoint the readers, but make a total fool of myself.

Why am I doing this you ask... well, that is a sore point. Unfortunately he might have gone a bit far in one of his articles and the man above decided to take retribution on his comments. He suffered a serious stroke on 1 April and is bed ridden until further notice. There I said it without crying.

I cannot promise to clone his cutting wit, nor can I – without conscience – tear apart ideals and beliefs, but I can try to highlight various topics and point out my opinion on subjects best left alone unless you are sitting in the confessional and the priest is sworn to confidentiality. I promise to read him every word I write – and look forward to him using the only word he can at this time: (unprintable but use your imagination – rhymes with duck).

I can hear you all saying – typical, the first word the Curmudgeon would learn is that – but to my surprise this morning he added to his repertoire with the astounding declaration of a resounding “NO” when I asked him a question twice! So put the 2 words together – NO duck – and you can see what my life has in store for me...ho hum.

Seriously, life without the Curmudgeon will be a little less exciting and a lot less stressful, not having to wait for lawsuits from aggrieved individuals thinking he is taking too many liberties with their religion/race/weight – you name it.

So, next month dear readers – I will give it my first bash at making him proud of me. If anyone has any bright ideas on how to best honour him with an article drop me a line my email address is in the paper. Be seeing you.

Curmudgeoness (for now)

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